Wednesday, August 16, 2006

You don’t have to be an ingrate to work here, but it helps

Take a look around you and you might spot one. From that bus driver who can’t find first gear to get up a hill, to that dawdling girl getting in your way on a tube platform, texting while she walks, head bowed oblivious to the inconvenience she’s causing to others. To the man sitting in traffic, honking his horn, or the shop assistant chattin’ wiv er bruv like this innit. Idiots. Everywhere. I’m surrounded by morons of the highest order. You Heat-magazine reading, text message speaking, Big Brother watching fuckers. I’m drowning in a sea of ineptitude, struggling for breath in a quagmire of annoying ringtones and low-budget, reality TV. You’re useless, the whole fucking lot of you.

I had to call our IT Helpdesk on Thursday to explain about a problem. I told them what the problem was, and how to fix it, in s-l-o-w and clear English. What do they do? Go and fuck it up some more by doing something completely different. So I have to call back Friday, and repeat the whole process because whoever I spoke to the day before had obviously had enough of the dead-end job of helpdesk monkey, and got a more valued position in McDonalds. I have to do the same thing on Monday, and on Tuesday, until it’s finally resolved. It was a 5 minute job by the way. Something I could have quite easily done myself if all our IT support hadn’t been outsourced to the lowest bidder.

Our rubbish is piling up because Haringey bin men are on strike. That’s right, I called them BIN MEN, deal with it. Of course it’s nothing to do with Haringey Council, they just run the fucking borough. No, it was outsourced to Haringey Accord, whose name leads me to believe they’d struggle to find work in say, Barnet or Camden. Anyway, Haringey Council put up a statement to say that a) nothing to do with them and b) Haringey Accord will be putting in place contingency plans.

However, you look at Haringey Accord’s website and they say service will not be resumed until the strike is over.

So there you have it. Haringey Council = Bunch of lying shysters.

Although I think the strike’s over now, but that’s not the fucking point.

I emailed the council (when will I learn) about a dangerous pelican crossing – I’m doing my whole ‘angry from Muswell Hill’ act. Do I get a reply? Do they fix it? Have a wild guess.

I know that I need to learn to drive sometime soon, it’s getting embarrassing when I meet anyone who isn’t from London. So I go to the DVLA site where you can now apply online. Hurrah! The power of the internets. I get half way through and the thing fucking times out. Argghhhhhh. Ok, maybe it was something to do with my work network, so I try on a laptop – I get 3 questions into it and it times out again. Holy-sweet-mother-of-jesus. Do people not test these things? Of course they do, they call Dave over who’s just finished mending the coffee machine to give it the once over before inflicting it on an unsuspecting public.

Oh well, all I need to do is find the technical contact details and email them…. 3 hours later I use a standard contact form and tell them they should stop working in the public sector and get a job in psychological testing as my brain is mush after this mindfuck of a website.

Has the whole world gone absolutely fucking crazy?

And don’t even get me started on Israel and Hezbollah. You’re both big winners now aren’t you? What exactly did that achieve again?


Tim said...

your gay. I'm moving to Germany. Driving around on the autobahns is a joy, and the place isn't such a bloody mess.

Will said...

It's 'you're gay' as in 'you are', not 'your'.

See, just goes to backup what I've said - education in this country is a joke.

Tim said...

You fink that wasn't intentional?

kate said...

oh dear, having a bad day?
(word of the day = zawog by the way)

bagelmouse said...

Has Jamie hi-jacked your blog?

Why do you need to learn to drive? I can drive, passed the test years ago - have no intention of actually getting a car until they invent lovely environmentally friendly ones that run on kitten poo.

I'll join you on the bin men strike rant though - all the bags that were clogging the pavement at the end of Queens Avenue have been removed, but the rest of the street? Everything still there! When I open my window now I get a charming waft of rotting waste. Some moron moved out a few weeks ago and dumped their fridge and a bunch of other furniture on the street outside the building, and I actually called "Haringey Accord" to get them to move it (they do a free big items collection) and they CALLED me last week to say they'd pick it up the next day. It's all still there. Or, at least, I believe I see it out of the corner of my eye as I run past hand over mouth and nose to prevent gagging.

Ant said...

On the subject of typo's - you appear to have typed 'ingrate' in your title, when what you clearly intended to type was 'fuckwit'.

Tim said...

Will what games have you got for you're PSP. I'll swap my copy of Micro Machines for something if your bored of it.

Will said...

Jamie doesn't have the monopoly on ill-informed rants. And since he's Mr I-can't-configure-a-wireless-network at the moment someone has to step in.

Micro machines? Weren't you bored with that shit on the Megadrive already? Other than Lemmings I've only got Outrun and GTA (which is awesome btw) and I'm not quite bored with either of them yet.

Tim said...

I've got GTA already, and Loco Roco. Micro Machines is like an updated version or something, but it's not as much fun as the megadrive one of yore.