Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Courier companies can suck my balls

Not only do they lose a lot of stuff, courier companies seem intent on personally antagonising me. Really, how difficult is it to get an item from a to b?

Let's start with Secure Mail Services, as employed by Seetickets to carry out the incredibly difficult task of taking a small envelope of low value tickets from the Seetickets building to my own. Of course they don't bother to attempt delivery until the day before the concert, and then send me a text (?) saying they'd done so. Naturally they'll maintain that they tried to deliver on a number of occasions beforehand, but as they never left a card I have no choice but to assume they're lying. When I spoke to someone at Seetickets she actually said they were constantly having problems with SMS, and I'm not surprised at all as I've had the misfortune to be on the receiving end (puntastic!) of their woeful service many a time. It seems like a lot of banks are using them to deliver new cards - there's nothing more secure than not getting your mail at all!

I find Seetickets equally responsible for ruining my night (when I was supposed to be at Iron & Wine) but it looks like they've just passed my complaint onto SMS to deal with. This is quite clearly bullshit though, as my contract is with Seetickets. If they can't uphold their end of the bargain, i.e. by getting tickets to me, then that's entirely their responsibility. I'll see what happens but I'm not letting this lie dammit.

Next up we have DHL. Well at least they managed to leave me a card when they missed me, I'll give them that. When I called up to arrange re-delivery I wasn't too surprised to find I had to negotiate a labyrinthine IVR system, and dutifully rearranged for the Monday I had off work. What did surprise me, however, was that it would have been as much use shouting the delivery instructions out of my window in the hope that someone from DHL might hear.

After yesterday's no-show I called back and it literally took all my cunning and patience to find the option that allowed you to speak to a human being. And I use that term lightly. This was a shell of a human being, clearly at the end of a long shift apologising to people for DHL's crap systems. Apparently my mistake was to hang up the phone after the automated system had confirmed my delivery date. I should have held on for longer until it started with a 'You hang up, No you hang up, No you, No you!....' routine.

Unfortunately I can't change the delivery address without asking the supplier to write a letter on gold-leafed paper, sealed with wax, enclosing pictures of mine and their testicles painted a lovely amber hue. I've got the address of the place so maybe I'll just have to go up to bloody Enfield and pick it up. It's only a £20 router ffs, is it worth the hassle?

It's funny really, it's only the good ol-fashioned Royal Mail chaps that have got it right. Not intentionally of course - if they did what they were supposed to they'd be in the same boat as the rest of them. But by leaving my parcels outside the flat when I'm not in, and opening my Amazon packages to post the individual items through the letterbox they show genuine ingenuity and initiative. God bless 'em.

1 comment:

Kate said...

SMS do all the Open University mailings; you can imagine how much fun that is. I believe there's a SMS Hate Club being set up. The OU freely admits they only chose them because 'they were cheap'. Hum.